Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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