Umm I'm too high to move.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
