I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
