y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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