you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
