All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
