Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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