I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
