There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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