I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
