You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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