when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
