Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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