yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
