Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
i think i just lost a toe
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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