Will you blow on my dice?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize