The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
