Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....