i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want