3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
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It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
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This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night