Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
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If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
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Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.