i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.