I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
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he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
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I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.