We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
