so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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