Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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