ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
