hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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