What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
