Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
