New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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