I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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