filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
