Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
