i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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