Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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