I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
