Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
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Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
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I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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