1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize