Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
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when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
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You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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