I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
