all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
