You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize