I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
