You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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