Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
