Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
