Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
