Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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