oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
