like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You need Xanax blowdarts
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
