biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
