Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize