I accidentally had phone sex last night
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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