We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
