They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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