How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
