So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize