just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
