The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
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i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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