I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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