I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
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I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
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Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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