Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Randomize
