Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
