i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
