is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
