the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Damn victory sex feels great
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
